Homeless
by PeculiarMaleficent
Summary: Brittany wasn't supposed to be at the memorial but hearing from a friend about Santana's breakdown made her jump to the nearest flight to Ohio... upon arriving she heard Santana says something about never wanting to go back to Ohio because it's not her home anymore. ONE SHOT


** This is an angsty one shot because it's easier to write angst. I know most of you doesn't want angsty Brittana but I hope you'll like this one. I was kinda emotional while doing this one shot because Naya's scream still haunts me.**

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_"You know I used to love coming here… but now this reminds me of everything that I've lost."_

It was heart breaking hearing you say those words. You were so fragile and I can't do anything. I do not know if I am actually allowed to do it. It's been a while since I saw you, even talked to you but I still know what is happening with your life.

Coming here wasn't an option. As much as I want to be on the memorial, I just can't. It's a selfish reason that I do not want to see you crying because I don't want to see again the face that still haunts me whenever I try to sleep. I can still see how your face fell when I told you that I choose Sam and not you. Again, it makes me think that I haven't done anything right for you.

I heard from my precious unicorn that you find someone else. Her name starts with a D and she treats you well. He also told me about the comment you said about you can now be in a relationship without fearing that your girlfriend will stray for dicks.

I can't blame you.

I did choose Artie over you before because I want you to come out for yourself and not just for me. It wasn't because you were a baby lesbian and you will just run in the closet again. I just want you to be proud of who you are. And I choose Sam, who almost looks like my brother just to push you to go to New York and build the dream that you were only wishing here in Lima.

I did it for you… but you didn't think it that way because I never told you how much you mean to me. All I say is that you left me. You were the one who broke up with me knowing that I was the trigger that pushes you for doing so. The energy exchange was a lie. I know that one too because Elaine told me before she left that you didn't had a student that looks like that and that you don't go to libraries, instead you just study in your dorm with her being your roommate.

You broke up with me thinking that you are doing right. That you are setting me free to be happy. I told you how unhappy I was when you left me behind but I know it was also my fault. If I just told you that I was failing, you could have helped me and I could've graduated. We could've build the dreams we have together.

I was the one who's hiding constantly while you were so honest with me. I am stupid. I know you don't want me to say that word to myself because in your words, "it degrades my intelligence." But Santana, I am stupid. I am stupid for letting you go. For hurting you over and over knowing that all you did was love me unconditionally.

Senior year, you danced with me. You just dance with me all those times thinking that it's a payoff from the time that was lost during the second and third year that we were struggling. And by my second senior year, I was dancing with Sam on Mr. Shue's wedding-not wedding knowing that I could actually dance with you. I didn't because I was afraid that all I see was the pure love you have for me and not the hatred that you should give to me.

Mike told me how broken you were. He told me that He and Quinn did their best to take your mind off the scene that was playing in front of you. You drank too much champagne with Quinn and he said that he didn't know what happened afterwards because he was concentrating on talking to Tina.

As I've said, I wasn't supposed to be here. I asked Mike to be with you without knowing that he was looking out for you. But he told you how you broke down while singing a song for Finn. I wanted to comfort you but I know that if I will be there I will have to ruin everything for are now happy. You are now building your dreams and sadly, without me in it.

But…

I can't help it. Hearing from Mike that you were crying and you do not want anyone to comfort you made me decide to jump to the earliest flight to Ohio just to be with you. I am not sure if you wanted me here but I just draw all the cards I have. I'll take the chance because knowing that you were sad without me by your side makes my heart shattered into million pieces.

Mike also told me when Kurt talked to you in the auditorium and how fragile you look when you muttered that simple request about leaving you alone. He said he was out there looking for you behind the curtains. Kurt even saw him and asked what he was doing there and he told him the truth about the request I made when Mike and I talked weeks ago. Kurt just nod and muttered something about "Love sick fools" but he didn't actually mind what the unicorn was saying because he was so focused on looking after you.

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"Do you think it will work?" I asked, announcing my presence to you. You slowly turned as if you were not sure if you were hearing right it right. I would have laugh at your reaction upon seeing me. Your mouth was slightly agape and your eyes were widen comically. You were not expecting this and it is a pretty normal reaction from you.

You composed yourself and stood awkwardly while holding the flyers you were posting. I snatched it from you and started taping one in a wall. This wall is oddly familiar.

"What are you doing here?" You asked curtly.

Then it hit me. A not so distant memory resurfaced and made me smile bitterly.

**_"You are the genius Brittany."_**

I closed my eyes at the memory. I can still vividly feel the warm of your eyes when you said those words and you don't know how disappointed I am to see a cold, stoic eyes; it is far from the warm and loving eyes that you used to give me.

"Why are you here?" You asked again.

**Cold.**

"W-what? I can't be here? Finn is my friend too, you know." I said. It feels like a bitter lie washed over my mouth. Although, it wasn't a lie as well. It's true, Finn is your friend, although at some point you hated him for outing you and for calling you stupid but he still apologize and that's good.

"Do you actually believe that I will believe you?" You asked. I didn't answered because you know that I myself doesn't believe that.

"Samuel told me you're not coming." You said with a hint of bitterness on your tone. Samuel. You called him Samuel and not Trouty or any of the insults you used to say him. It's really sad that you are really having a hard time coping with what's happening.

Looking into your eyes before, I could easily know what you're thinking but looking at those brown eyes now, makes me wonder if I am still welcome to its warmth.

It was true that I talked to Sam because it was easier to talk to him. No, not because I love him more that you, but because if I talk to you I know that I will blabber the words I am trying not to say.

_I love you._

_I miss you._

_Please don't forget me._

_You are my soulmate._

_You are my one and only._

_You are the only one that I want._

_If I can have you again, I will never let you go._

I can't say those words to you knowing that you will come running back to me in a heartbeat and I wouldn't want you to do that. It might ruin everything that you're building.

_A dream._

_A love._

_A life._

"Yeah."

"And you can't talk to me? Did you really cared for me at all?" You asked.

"I do." I said in a whisper.

"If you really do, why can't you talk to me like a normal person? You said you are my best friend but you are not talking to me." You said in a defeated tone. Your voice is hoarse, like you are in a verge of tears.

"But you don't call me as well." I said. It wasn't entirely true.

"I called you the moment I knew your plane landed to Boston. But you didn't answer. I tried calling you over and over for months but you didn't answer. I thought you were just too busy to call me, but when I heard Kurt was talking to you that's when I knew… that's when I realized that you do not want to talk to me. That it is your way of forgetting me then might as well stop contacting you as well. But here comes Mike, looking like a lost puppy following me this past few weeks telling me that he was sent by you to look after me. Care to explain that?" You asked breathing heavily after. You stepped back and I followed.

I was about to touch you but you raised your hands and say _don't_.

It's ironic how we are now standing in front of the lockers where you said the same words to me when I tried to reach out.

I have nothing to say. Well, I do have something to say.

Many things to say but I just can't.

"I'm Sorry." I muttered thinking that it is the appropriate thing to say.

You just stared at me in disbelief. Gone was the soft eyes of my Santana. It was replace with rage and disappointment. Disappointment towards me.

"Is that all you have to say for yourself? Really?" You asked heatedly.

"I-is it true? That you hate going back here?" I asked trying to change the subject.

"What is it to you?" You asked.

"Tana.."

"No. You have no right to call me that. You already forgotten about me." You said bitterly. Ouch. It was like a right hook on the gut. I hate seeing you this sad and you hating me makes me hate myself more. If it is even possible.

"I miss you tana. I don't care if you don't want to call me that… but.. b-but.. I- I care about you." I said.

"You have a fuck up way of showing that." You said angrily.

I know this Santana. This Santana is the in denial Santana. The one who tries to look strong when deep inside you are hurting. And it fucking pains me how I cannot do anything. At least I still know something about you…

You were about to flew away when I grabbed your wrist. I couldn't let you go.

"No. You can't go. Even if you push me away, I know you need to release every pent up emotions you are feeling right now. Kick me. Punch me in the face. Hate me. I'll not fight back because I know you need me." I said whilst forcefully engulf you in an embrace. You tried to fight for a while, it's a good thing that I am still stronger than you.

After a couple of minutes of fighting… you stopped.

You just burst into tears.

"Y-you w-weren't here when I came. I- I was e-expecting y-you. I-I n-need y-you B. I-I need Y-you more t-than anyone else. I-I tried t-to fight but I-I couldn't. I-I miss you so much. Please Britt. P-Please don't leave me the way Finn did. M-my world will shatter if you did." You said. We both sat in front of the lockers. Your head leaning to my chest while you heave.

"I will never leave you again."I said reassuringly.

That's all I can say for now.

"I love you too much to let you go Santana. But you have to live your life. You need to be happy." I said sadly.

You look up to me and started me for a while. You just gave me a peck as if you are doing it to make sure that I am real. You smiled a little after that.

It was heart breaking.

"So this is not home huh?!" I asked coyly knowing that it is somewhat safe to jest.

"Not even New York." You replied.

"My heart is somewhere else. I don't know where. So I'm homeless." You added.

"Then we are homeless together." I replied.

_But this is home for now._

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**Thoughts? Please do review.**

**PS. I have a new story entitled "What The Heart Wants" it's kinda fluffy... fluff is actually new for me so please give it a try. **

**Thank You.**


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